Arkansas Fun

Come savor our brand of simple humor

Your Little Contributions of real life humor are welcomed here. We will be glad to put your name and address on the piece so people can comment directly to you, if you wish. --

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But the stories must be true; As Clarence Aldridge always said on those solemn occasions when someone doubted one of his stories, "Why, if I tell you a chicken dips snuff you can look under his wing and find the box."

Speaking of chickens -- A Massachusetts Yankee came into the little country store at Snake Island and ordered twenty four dozen eggs. "TWENTY FOUR DOZEN?" asked the owner of the store. "You were just in here last week and got twelve dozen. And the week before that you bought six dozen. What in the world are you doing with all these eggs?"

"Well, we are trying to raise chickens," admitted the Yankee. "But we are either planting them too deep, or watering them too much."

Road Signs

NOBODY gets more fun out of road signs than Arkansans

"Go Thou and Do Likewise"

Arkansans love signs of all kinds. When one city began issuing $30 fines for posting signs for garage sales this remark was sent in to the paper...

"I applaud the latest crackdown on crime the police have taken by launching a crusade against garage sale sign posters. By practicing on docile citizens like this the police may eventually have enough courage to hand out tickets for turn signals that don't work -- then as their courage grows, for headlights busted out -- and next, MAYBE even SPEEDERS! And, then, in the year of 2017 ----"
MORE LIGHT-HEADED SIGNS

The Optimist Club has high hopes of keeping the next mile of highway clean for you.

Velvet Ridge Arkansas: Population 234. Take a right to visit our Business section.

The 419 atheists of Marksville welcome you to this godforsaken place

Welcome to Little Rock, the first capital Bill Clinton called Home

Welcome to Pickles Gap

Welcome to WELCOME

"Every once in awhile," said David Gamache, "I make a mistake and everything comes out right in spite of all I can do."

A truck driver stopped at the McDonald's in Lonoke and fell in love with the cashier on the spot. Before leaving, he asked her to marry him. Media seemed to hesitate, so he admitted that he was not much to look at." "Oh, don't worry about that," she told him. "You'll be on the road most of the time."

How can you tell a Yankee driver in Texarkana? When THEY come up behind two friends parked in the street to talk, THEY won't get up on the sidewalk and go around like everyone else.

We don't believe in special providences so much here in Brinkley. When a mule kicks a man and knocks him 30 feet we don't think God had a thing to do with it. Fact of the matter is, we feel like maybe he just gave the mule a temptation too hard to resist.

Nineteen of us were listening to the Diabetes dietician when a question popped up about calories. "The way I understand what you're saying, calories is the heat it takes to raise the temperature of one gram of food by one degree?" She said that was so. "Okay then, when I toast my bread, am I putting calories in or taking calories out?"

When the doctor asked Joe Bob Goacher how he was feeling, he raised up from the bed and exclaimed: "Boy, I'm ready to go home Doc! I feel almost as good now as I did the week before yawl told me how sick I was."

It was Joe Bob too who told the nurse: "I know this stuff is good for me, but I just can't stand that much improvement."

And Aunt Ellen went into the hospital for a gall bladder problem. When asked her age by the nurse as she filled out the forms Aunt Ellen responded: "I'm 103 already, but I come from a line of long livers."

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